So, there you are: It’s Friday night, and you are getting dolled up to go go-kart racing with the cute guy you met on OkCupid (his choice of date, not yours). You take a shower, wash your hair, pluck your eyebrows, and shave your armpits. You even remembered to dab perfume behind each ear the way that Allure Magazine told you to. You feel sexy, flirty, and ready to take on the night.
In fact, you think, Beyonce has nothing on me!
You and Mr. Wonderful start with dinner at a little Mexican restaurant. He looks different than in his picture, and you are pretty sure he dipped hand into his water glass to get some salsa off of his finger.
Waiter, can you please get this man a napkin?!
As you wait for your food, you make seductive eye contact with Charming Billy after deciding that he’s actually sort of cute in a short, bald, George Costanza sort of way.
Then you feel it: the stinging, the itching, the burning...the passion? No.
The Armpit Rash!
What is causing this armpit rash? Was it something I ate? Am I just nervous? My eyeliner game is on point, though.
Just then, a woman with short hair walks in, looks at you standing there with your elbow pressed against the mirror, and gives you a look that says, Are you a crazy person? Are you going to try to eat my face? You tell her about your armpit rash, your date with Baldy Balderson, and how your seductive gaze hasn’t seemed to have much of an affect on him.
“I’m a nurse practitioner!” she says. “I work at FastMed Urgent Care. Ever heard of it?”
“Yeah! That’s like...the largest network of urgent care clinics in North Carolina, isn’t it?”
Anyway, the nurse practitioner tells you that rashes come in all shapes and sizes and can affect almost any part of your body, including your armpit.
“Poison ivy, psoriasis, eczema, and contact dermatitis are all conditions that cause rashes,” she says. “It’s probably nothing serious, but you may want to see a medical professional. FastMed is open late tonight, so you can probably make it if you leave now!”
You rush back to your table, grab your jacket, thank Elmer Fudd for a lovely evening, and make your way towards the door.
“Where are you going?” He calls after you.
“FastMed Urgent Care! They have extended hours during the week, are open weekends and holidays, and require no appointment! I’ll message you when this armpit rash clears up!”
“Man,” he thinks. “If she didn’t like me, why didn’t she just say so?”
Next time you have a medical condition that requires immediate attention (or are on a horrible date that you want to get out of), stop by FastMed Urgent Care. FastMed accepts most insurance plans, offers savings plan to qualifying self-pay patients, and will have you in and out in under an hour.
The content presented on this page is not intended to diagnose health problems or take the place of professional medical care.