10. Staying home sick with the flu is the only way I can justify watching reruns of “Let’s Make a Deal.”
9. I need to practice coughing for my cover band’s upcoming rendition of “Let Me Clear My Throat.”
8. Higher internal body temperatures mean big savings on home heating costs.
7. I don’t want to subject my family to the psychological torment of seeing me briefly wince.
6. Money is tight this holiday season, but influenza is a gift you can give to your whole family.
5. Sure, flu vaccines used to be cool, but now they’ve gone mainstream. I’m into more obscure vaccinations now.
4. “Antibodies” just sound so negative. Maybe if they called them “happy bodies.”
3. Nobody pokes holes in my “Limp Bizkit Rulz 1999” shoulder tattoo.
2. I have this picture of the flu virus, so I already have a flu shot! Get it! Shot! Ha ha! Anyone? Wait, where are you going?
Image source: CDC.gov
1. How else will I physically manifest the symptoms of my Bieber Fever?